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Along with The Artist's Way, I'm doing a physical detox. It's a weight-loss program from the essential oils company that involves a tea with nice oils and herbs, a fiber-heavy smoothie powder...and I've been using the therapy oils.
I don't know, but I think it's both assisting AND compounding the affects of this reprogram.
One of the main points Cameron emphasizes is on the surface kind of weird:
Your artist is a child. One that needs to be rewarded, and taken care of as such.
Having read a fairy tale involving a child as the wise one who rescues the psyche in Who Run With Wolves, this kind of has an interesting crossover...
With this in mind, I'm listening for that child's voice--and at this point, I'm kind of being forced to hear it. "How am I feeling? Well, baby-Bethany is mad. Why? Heaven only knows."
I feel like I'm sitting in my adult self, trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between the person I've created in the intervening years and that inner child.
Child Bethany feels like she needs a hug? Well, great. My family doesn't hug unless someone's leaving for over three days or driving over 100 miles. It's embarrassing.
Pick something else.
...You know, this may explain something about why I was getting so upset about the misunderstanding of that little girl on MBLAQ's Hello Baby program.
Trying to figure out how to balance the really, really precarious state I'm in and not being an obnoxious (read: literally crazy) person is hard.
Because the main thing I'm trying to recover from is NOT seeking attention. Trying to stay good, not become a problem.
My little brother was sickly with asthma when we were small, my mom was invalid during her pregnancies after that. I don't know, but maybe that's what started me shutting myself down all the time.
And so this inner-child wants to pitch a hissy fit, and blame other people for being mad, and play with her toy cars and cry when things break.
God help me. No, seriously.
At least my inner child seems to like K-Pop as much as I do. I had kinda wondered what that was all about...
