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I have been writing like I remember being normal for a couple days now.
It feels weird. "How long has it been since I wrote like this?"
"How come I was in such deep denial there was something off?"
And then the worse questions:
Why do I feel like after working on writing for several hours, that I've done nothing much?
It's an attitude I have to work out, because this is what I DO, this is what I want to BE.
If I feel like when I work for hours I've only been indulging myself, if it's easy then I must be doing something wrong and if it's hard, then too...
Well golly. No wonder after about 15 years my insides said, "I DON'T CARE. FINE, I'LL SHUT UP."
Which is rather eye-rollingly typical of my psychology. I don't know where a mostly quiet person gets off punishing people and herself by quitting talking, but lets face it--sometimes it's the only power a girl has to assert herself.
It feels weird. "How long has it been since I wrote like this?"
"How come I was in such deep denial there was something off?"
And then the worse questions:
Why do I feel like after working on writing for several hours, that I've done nothing much?
It's an attitude I have to work out, because this is what I DO, this is what I want to BE.
If I feel like when I work for hours I've only been indulging myself, if it's easy then I must be doing something wrong and if it's hard, then too...
Well golly. No wonder after about 15 years my insides said, "I DON'T CARE. FINE, I'LL SHUT UP."
Which is rather eye-rollingly typical of my psychology. I don't know where a mostly quiet person gets off punishing people and herself by quitting talking, but lets face it--sometimes it's the only power a girl has to assert herself.
